my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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