I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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