Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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