Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
