Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
