We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
