Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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