Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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