I got chris browned last night
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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