Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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