i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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