found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
