she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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