margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
