the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
