who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
