he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
