I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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