somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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