Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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