Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
