i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
