So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
