i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
