i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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