I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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