you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
