I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
