This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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