There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
