You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
