Jerry, you need to find god
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
