VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
