just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
