You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
