i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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