i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
