Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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