Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
