i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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