we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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