I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
