i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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