check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
