Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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