Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
