she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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