So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
