Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
