You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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