if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
