Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
