new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
