You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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