he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
