i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You're a waste of cheezeits
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
