I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
