I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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