being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
