Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize