just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
