Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
