I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
