yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
