just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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