And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
